6 de janeiro de 2014


New year. Resolutions? Let me tell you what and where the 2004 me saw the 2014 me: I would have a job, not at any time knowing what I would do exactly, but something economic and/or financial related looked interesting, so I followed that path since someone decided that at the age of 14 we should make a big life decision affecting our future. I would probably work at a bank but, as stated before, had no idea what people in banks do but it seemed interesting every time I pictured it. On that path there was a thing called Mathematics that would be a good help in getting to an open office on a high-rise building floor where I would have a desk doing a job I would like to do. I failed and I only have myself to blame. Coincidentally it happened at a time where economy and finance took one of the biggest hits in its history. And I was in a country particularly hit by it and living in a small town. I hate myself for blaming something or someone other than myself for the 2004 vision not being a reality. Thing is, I´m lucky. I´ve always had food in my plate, a roof over my head and, as grandma always says, as long as you´re healthy it´s all good....and yet the only thing I got as a real job lasted 5 months. In the end it was a fun experience that somehow (although with big help of co-workers) I managed to do it successfully despite its big responsibility. But I feel like at my age I should give more to my family and not feel like a burden to them. They never told me I was a burden and I don´t even know if they think that but I feel like I let them down being someone who had had good grades growing up and I´m now taking a degree - International Relations - at university that [let´s still hope not] will take me nowhere with just a bachelors degree, when the 2004 kid thought that at the end of it he would have someone calling him for a job. Welcome to the real world you [still] naive kid...

Leaving all the doubt and fear behind and onto good things, that same naive boy, met someone who made all that fear and doubt disappear on these first days of the new year and for the best part of the last 3 months. Being shy, not having a huge group of friends and preferring to stay at home instead of partying were never good when it came to meet a special girl but I always told myself I wouldn´t mind the wait. I knew I would find a beautiful, both inside and out girl, with whom I would share all the silly stories and a new year´s eve kiss. And I did. And love feels so good! All I want is to see a smile on her face when I´m with her. It´s sort of funny and ironic though that being in love grows another fears...of letting her down...of disappointing her...of losing her... But, those are the good kind of fears. They make you work for what you got. And that´s my resolution...as generic as it could be: become a better person. Have the will and motivation that is lacking for the past years. And be with her as many times as possible.
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This post is slightly confusing and I´m sure I could find better words and make it longer and prettier but I´m already hugely procrastinating (there go my resolutions...) for this exam I have tomorrow. Also i´m not particularly talented when it comes to put fear, doubt and love into words...

If procrastination doesn´t get in the way too many times I will try to write more here. Hope you have a wonderful 2014!